Lockdown & Friendships

Well here we are in the middle of a pandemic but for many the overwhelming sense of friendship and unity is shining brighter than ever.

Has it really been a year since my last post?! My first thought is that of guilt for not having put pen to paper and thus panicking that people might think that Skye is not foremost on my mind anymore. He is of course and as always, features somehow during each and every day.

After the initial worry and flurry of getting ready for ‘lockdown’ I have to be honest and say I have rather liked the fact that normal social rules don’t apply right now. The perfect excuse to hunker down with my boys and selfishly keep them all to myself, enjoying their individual quirks and personalities and heaving a huge sigh of relief not to have to put on the upbeat smiley face to meet and greet at the school gates.

I can see how almost 6 years on, some would say that is a lot on time to have learnt how to live without someone they love. For the most part I do feel like I succeed in fooling people into thinking I am doing just fine although I swore to myself that I would never be anything other than offer the cold truth. The complication lies however in wanting to allow the boys to forge new relationships with new friends and not have the weight of my pain on their shoulders. I suppose therefore I still need to have this blog as a form release. Thank you for allowing me this.

Lockdown has been replete with lessons about interpersonal relationships. It is fascinating to read articles about how some ‘friendships’ have decayed while others, often with old school friends have been rekindled. This is also true about how relationships with friends can change after losing a child. I have learnt who has my heart and who I feel comfortable opening up to. It goes without saying that the ‘golden oldies’ who can reminisce about things Skye said and did are friends I will treasure forever. Their willingness to coax out of me things I want to get off my chest but don’t offer up easily and never get tired of me saying that “I miss him so much” is truly special. I have learnt however that new friendships can also blossom but only with those who are able to be generous with their own emotions, have the ability to truly understand how ‘real life’ has altered exponentially for us as a family now and above all, to ask about Skye! I hope I don’t underestimate how lucky I am to have such wonderful people in my life.

Friendships between husband and wife have been pushed to a whole new realm in lockdown too, I am so lucky to have a husband who is in touch with his emotions and cares deeply for the wellbeing of all young people he encounters and remains one of my best friends. Don’t get me wrong though, there have been times during the last few months when I have wanted to chain him to the railings next to Emily Pankhurst! Home schooling has been both a wonder and a hair pulling nightmare in almost equal measures. Having surpassed even my own expectations in buying a ‘pick ‘n’ mix’ toy sweet shop on eBay to roll out a successful pre-school mathematics lessons, I often had to leave expectant pupils downstairs while I sprinted upstairs to check that Jesse’s lesson about the rainforest was more meaningful to him than just Twinkl cut outs of endangered species. Changed a nappy, fed the baby, answered a couple of Charity emails, returned to the ‘pre-school’ to find the maths lesson over and the art lesson under full swing by means of finding the pet rabbit coloured in. I would search AGAIN for an online grocery slot for the ‘shielding’ grandparents, only to be summoned back upstairs by Jesse who needs this time to make French macrons and produce a video on the region they originated from. Back downstairs again to remove the baby scribbling over Flynn’s ‘child led learning’ project on the Hadal region of the ocean and it’s gruesome looking sea creatures. Enter Andrew, “What’s for dinner?”

Just like MANY women I know, life has been pretty full on to say the least! For those of you who have seen the hilarious Coronavirus Quarantine meme by Julian JJ Bantz, I would however choose A every time and wish more than ever that I could be living through all of this with Skye too. He would never be at a loss for something to do.

Andrew attended Day 1 of a walk to Pembrokeshire today to show his support for a family who have very recently lost their son to a relapsed brain tumour. I recall so vividly chatting to this animated and mature boy two years ago about how much he loved school and just can’t help but think how cruel this pandemic is to those who have already been dealt such a devastating hand. In his last few months of life not to be able to enjoy the simple pleasures of being with friends. I know he wanted to be remerged for his “strength and positivity” so I will always try to strive to think like that in your memory young man.

"Communication is health; communication is truth; communication is happiness," Virginia Woolf wrote in an essay published in 1925 in The Common Reader. "To share is our duty; to go down boldly and bring to light those hidden thoughts which are the most diseased; to conceal nothing; to pretend nothing; if we are ignorant to say so; if we love our friends to let them know it."

Although Skye was not blessed with time on his side to make a large number of friends. What they lack in number, they more than make up for in quality. I thank you dear friends for making Skye’s life so very fulfilled and special.

UncategorizedAugust 14, 2020

Lockdown & Friendships

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